Osoyoos Times-December 23, 2009

By Laurena Weninger – Osoyoos Times

“Not everybody has a family that gathers around the fire and sings Christmas carols,” said Dr. Mark Welch. “Some find this is the time of year they are most acutely alone.”
Welch is the manager of acute care for South Okanagan Mental Health and Addictions and he said there are many people who just don’t like Christmas all that much – and that is more normal than one might think.
“You’re ‘supposed’ to be happy and jolly. I think that’s what we are led to believe,” he said. “Very few of us are willing to admit Christmas itself is very stressful.”
It is so stressful, in fact, that it is listed on the well-known Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, which lists 43 life events that can be stressful enough to correlate to illness.
The list includes divorce, death of a close family member, imprisonment and – yes – Christmas.
“It is enormously stressful… a lot of people find the whole holiday season stressful,” Welch said.
People create a wide set of expectations, of themselves, of others and of what the holiday is supposed to be like.
The concerns can include financial matters.
“Not living up to the expectations of others,” he said, adding it’s a double-edged sword. If you don’t spend enough, you can feel you fell short, but if you do spend the money you may end up facing some debt – another major stressor.
The season also adds a whole lot of items to the “To Do” list, stretching time as thin as the contents of people’s wallets.
But it’s not always just stress caused by the hustle and bustle.
Sometimes it can be the opposite and the lack of hustle or bustle can cause pain, too.
“When people feel very alone, when we are expected not to be that way, people can feel the pain all that more acutely,” Welch said.
Some people no longer have families, no longer have spouses with whom to celebrate, or have children in divorce situations who are with their “other family” on Christmas morning.
It can make loneliness and depression even more lonely and depressing.
“The idea of waking up alone Christmas morning and not having anywhere to go or anyone to speak with is really very daunting,” Welch said.
But even more daunting is admitting it out loud.
“This is supposed to be the happiest, jolliest time of the year,” he explained, adding that it is just a fact that some people may struggle and it is just OK if that is the case.
“It doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you a weak person. It’s OK.”
And there are some things people can do, both for themselves and others, to try to cope just a little bit better with the season.
Part if it is about awareness.
Realize the season can be hard and accept it.
Watch out for symptoms of depression – sadness, sleep disruptions, appetite disruptions, loss of energy and that feeling of wanting to pull up the covers and stay in bed – and if the symptoms last for more than a few days, seek medical help.
Reaching out to make contact with others is imperative.
“Break the isolation,” Welch said.
If you haven’t got family to reach out to, find someone else.
Shovel your neighbour’s driveway, go out for supper, or even just go for a walk where you might encounter others.
Go to a Christmas concert, attend a church service or get involved in volunteer activities – even if they aren’t Christmas activities.
But it could help to get out and get involved in Christmas activities also.
“It takes you out of yourself,” said Welch, suggesting people might consider helping to serve at a local Christmas day dinner for the community. “You build the community. It gives you a purpose.”
Steve Hershey, minister of the Osoyoos United Church, said his church doesn’t hold an annual blue Christmas service – a service specifically for people who struggle with Christmas – because sometimes it is just too sad for folks to focus on the negatives. Instead, he tries to help people deal with any losses in their lives and adapt to new realities.
But he admits Christmas is definitely a time where some people feel the loss of loved ones and traditions.
He said economic difficulties also arise and people feel a lot of pressure to spend money they might not have.
“Oh my gosh… we haven’t got it. We’re not good enough.”
The number one tip Hershey offers is to stay connected.
“Make the phone call,” he said, whether it is to your family or friends.
“Allow for the possibility, if you are really deep in the pit, get a hold of a professional and don’t apologize. Life comes at us with a huge amount of crap, sometimes.”
The Osoyoos Baptist Church is holding their annual free Christmas Day Community Dinner on Dec. 25 at 12:30 p.m.
This dinner is for anyone who would like to attend for companionship and celebration of Christmas, and rides are available.
For more information, call 250-495-6581.
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