Stop the violence – Local artist Garcilazo’s memorable painting, which he displayed at Oliver’s first V-Day event in 2013.
Violence against women continuing problem: V-Day
Darlene George was nearly out of the house when her partner hit her for the first time. She was on her way to work.
She met Jerry in Oliver four years earlier, while picking up her son from school. They were both single parents and bonded right away.
“It was the little things I noticed about him, he seemed respectful. He would even stop and pick up litter and put it in the trash. He just seemed to really care,” Darlene recalled.
The couple decided to move to Mission and start a life together. Two years later, Darlene became pregnant with their daughter and Jerry quickly changed. He had been injured at work and was unable to work full-time, which left Darlene to support the family.
“I couldn’t approach him about anything. It always seemed to cause a fight. It didn’t really matter how I phrased things or how careful I was, everything set him off and it was always my fault or my son’s fault. There was all this double standard stuff,” she explained.
“It went in phases, but I always told myself, well, he isn’t hitting me. It didn’t matter that it felt like we were walking on eggshells all the time.”
After their daughter was born the fights became more frequent and things quickly escalated.
“He just blew up and he hit me. I said we’re done, I’m not living like this anymore and he hit me again. I grabbed the baby and walked out the door. My son wasn’t home at the time, thank goodness! I started down the stairs and he grabbed me by the hair and hauled me back up and said you’re not taking her anywhere and told me he was going to kill me.”
Darlene left the house, unsure of what to do, and went to work. When she arrived with bruises on her face, her co-workers insisted she contact the police. Jerry was arrested and taken into custody. Darlene was given four hours to collect whatever she could from the house and went to stay with a girlfriend before eventually returning to Oliver.
“It was one of the most stressful periods of my life. It felt like everything was closing in, you know?”
“I can see why people go back, how that cycle goes. And if he had come and begged me to come back I might have gone, except I didn’t want my daughter to grow up with that. I didn’t want my kids to see that.”
It’s been four years since Darlene left Mission. Now she is comfortable speaking publicly about something so many women deal with privately.
According to the Canadian Women’s Foundation, half of all women in Canada have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence. That number comes from CWF’s Healthy Relationships Report.
The survey looked at women over the age of 16 across Canada. Of those who experienced violence, 27 per cent were beaten, 25 per cent were choked and 44 per cent were injured. Thirteen per cent sought medical help and only 22 per cent of all incidents are reported to the police.
Even more troubling for Darlene is the fact that aboriginal women are still seven times more likely to be in abusive relationships but less likely to report it. She said this disturbing phenomenon is part of a cycle that has repeated for generations.
“My mom and other family members were in relationships where there was domestic abuse, but it wasn’t like my house was the only one where that was going on,” she explained.
“I can remember people would have parties on Friday nights and there would be drinking. It wasn’t unusual to see women walking around with black eyes and split lips on Monday. It was just something you saw growing up on the reserve,” she recalled.
“It’s gotten better though. Our reserve has cleaned up. Clarence (Chief Louie) has done a great job of focusing on youth and teaching them to respect others and respect themselves. Violence is not the answer and it’s not going to be tolerated.”
Darlene said education and awareness campaigns are the key to making long-term changes. Her desire to make a difference is what drew her to become a part of Oliver’s V-Day committee.
The committee, which was established locally in 2013 by Paula Rodriguez de la Vega, is part of a global activist movement that aims to end violence against women and girls.
Each year V-Day committees around the world hold creative events to increase awareness, raise money, and revitalize anti-violence organizations in their communities.
To date, V-Day Oliver/Osoyoos has raised $7,406.32 in support of anti-violence initiatives. Of those funds $6,665.69 went directly to Desert Sun Counselling and Resource Centre, and the remaining 10 per cent went to the global branch of V-Day.
This year the committee will hold two major events with Tiffany Beckedorf and Ursula Wick at the helm. The first event, “Stop the Violence,” will be held at the Osoyoos Indian Band Community Centre from 3–6 pm on March 8. The event will incorporate a “One Billion Rising for Justice” celebration, which encourages survivors of violence to “rise, release and dance.”
The celebration will also feature an art show themed “Metemorphosis.” The show, led by Norberto Rodriguez de la Vega, will feature the work of more than 25 artists.
The event will also include guest speakers, a wine reception, musicians and a performance of the “Break the Chain” dance.
The committee will hold its second event, “A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, and a Prayer,” on April 8 at the Frank Venables Theatre. The production is being directed by Marji Basso and Amy Grice
, and will feature male performers to highlight the role that men can play in V-Day. Proceeds from both events will go directly to Desert Sun Counselling and V-Day.
For Darlene the concept of V-Day is as important as the work they do.
“What’s important to remember is that V-Day is about empowerment. The ‘V’ doesn’t stand for victim.”
It stands for “Valentine, Victory and Vagina,” a reference to founder Eve Ensler’s ground-breaking production “The Vagina Monologues,” which inspired the event and the date of the first V-Day on February 14, 1998. For more information visit www.vdayoliverosoyoos.org
Erin Christie
Oliver Chronicle
