CHRISTOPHER ROBERT SCHON DEAD AT 90!

When asked for comment, he could neither confirm nor deny the allegation. Tappen, BC clairvoyant Melinda Todd reportedly said that his predeceased wife, Bettie, asked: “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for years!” When asked for comment, eldest son Stephen (Joanne) said, “If you say so,” and daughter Alexandra (Casey) said, “I thought he’d never die!” Youngest son Benjamin (Shadi) and grandchildren Azad and Zanyar could not be reached for comment. Rumour has it that this “death” was brought on by living a very, very, very long life (1936-04/29/2026). Known for his joie de vivre, Chris was a brilliant, quirky, creative, and charming gentleman. His sister Denise (Carl) was heard saying, “He was not a boring man.” Sources close to the family claim that his post-animate minions will arrange an appropriate send-off. Stay tuned for more salacious details.

By Tweet McGee.

To leave an online message of condolence, please visit www.bowersfuneralservice.com.